Last year my friend read
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua and thought I would like it. She was right. It was fascinating. I'm not sure why, though. Maybe it's the kind of fascination one would get watching a train wreck. So incredulous that it is hard to look away, but such a disater also.
Amy Chua is an American born daughter of two Chinese immigrants. Her mother raised her the "Chinese way" and she's determined to do that with her daughters. The greatest fear in her life is that her daughters will suffer the generational decline that other second generation Chinese Americans endure. How she puts it here:
"The next generation (her daughters' generation) is the one I spend nights lying awake worrying about. Because of the hard work of their parents and grandparents, this generation will be born into the great comforts of the upper middle class. Even as children they will own many hardcover books (an almost criminal luxury from the point of view of immigrant parents). They will have wealthy friends who get paid for B-pluses. They may or may not attend private schools, but in either case they wll expect expensive brand-name clothes. Fianlly and most problematically, they will feel that they have individual rights guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution and therefore be much more likely to disobey their parents and ignore carer advice. In short, all factors piont to this generation being headed straight for decline"
She grits her teeth and by sheer determination and domination demands from her daughters excellence. She goes into the trenches with them and is their comandeer in every area of life. There's no part of her daughters' lives that is not under her control.
Here are some of her rules for her daughters:
There were not allowed to attend a sleepover, have a playdate, be in a school play, complain about not being in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama, play any instrument other than the piano or violin, not play the piano or violin.
Her oldest daughter played the piano and would practice daily for hours with her mother hovering over her, sometimes instructing her, sometimes insulting her, and sometimes yelling at her, but never encouraging her.
An example of actual things she said to her daughter during piano practice.
"OMG, you're just getting worse and worse."
"I'm going to count to three, and then I want musicality!"
"If the next time's not PERFECT, I'm going to TAKE ALL YOUR STUFFED ANIMALS AND BURN THEM!"
Her younger daughter played wasn't as compliant as her oldest daughter. They fought each other constantly about her playing the violin.
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